My Heavenly Father has delivered me from the unthinkable. Something I thought would never happen to me. Something I even feared and even joked about once in my life that I never thought was possible to happen to me.
My God, delivered me from a mental illness that took almost two years of my life. From the end of 2020 to the beginning of 2022, I suffered with psychosis. I dealt with many symptoms including visual and auditory hallucinations and delusional beliefs and thoughts. I can specifically recall what triggered it and when it started.
You see 2020, the year of the COVID shutdowns brought so much anxiety in the world. However me, a person that was usually always anxious, was very excited about the thought of living life differently. Getting out of my daily routine, and experiencing something new. I took advantage of the shutdowns and became very reckless, throwing parties and experiencing drugs almost ruined my life. But most importantly, pushing away my Heavenly Father and acting like he didn’t existed is the main reason I ended up losing my mind.
You see, at the beginning of 2020, I got out of an almost 2 year relationship, and was ready to be outside. Of course back then I did not realize I was living a life of sin, and I was ready to throw myself at every man that gave me attention. I remember when it was announced that pretty much all of Los Angeles would be closed, I remember thinking that God didn’t want me to hoe around, he wanted me to seek Him and I ignored.
This led me to throwing illegal parties, kickbacks, game nights pretty much every weekend and hooking up with whoever I could connect with. However after a couple months, I started feeling very low and started questioning if what I was doing was right for me. I started getting sad and wanted to work on myself because I intuitively knew the path I was on was going to lead me to destruction.
In the Spring of 2020 I started reading many self help books, many of which really helped me change my mindset on how I should carry myself. I even got into the law of attraction, and then eventually after having a bad trip on shrooms, I got into New Age Spirituality which was the main cause of my psychosis.
I bought crystals, did tarot, even love spells, all so I could find my one true partner and life happily ever after. At one point I even told the person that I thought was the one how I was not religious and no longer believed that there was a God, despite being very prayerful when I was a child. I became infatuated with everything new age, chasing angel numbers, asking the “universe” for a sign and receiving it right away made me believe I didn’t need God.
It wasn’t until bad things started happening, things I would never thought I’d be in such as leaving my job because I thought I’d be famous, or abandoning my car because I could no longer afford paying the car note and breaking into someone’s apartment because I had a psychotic episode that told me to “follow the signs” and it will lead you to your life. That’s when I started feeling the presence of satan.
He never crossed my mind before. If I didn’t believe in God, why was I seeing demons and feeling the presence of Satan everywhere I went. Of course during this time I wanted to believe it was just all in my head, until I had a roommate who started experiencing everything I was experiencing and I remember seeing how scared she was. “At least I am not alone” I thought, “I am not crazy”
When I moved to Los Angeles, everyone around practiced New Age spirituality. I thought it was a hidden world that only “The Chosen Ones” got to experience. I didn’t know the that this was the tactic of the enemy. Making you believe you made it, to keep you away from the Kingdom of God. I didn’t realize everything I was doing was demonic, and eventually I let many doors open that allowed them access to my body.
There were many things I did during psychosis that my family told me. Some things I remember, some things I was blacked out. But one thing I remember was feeling like I was not alone in my body. I remember even fighting with the spirit trying to take a hold of my body, I fought and fought until a voice in my head said “let go, trust us, everything will be okay” and I listened. I let go, allowed them in and had an episode in front of my friends on my birthday that made them fear that I was no longer there.
It was a very lonely time of my life, one day I felt the presence of Satan and ran out of my apartment so fast and when I woke up I was in the hospital. “You were hit by a car” the medical team told me and I could not remember a thing at all.
I believe the accident was a reset because I remember not feeling the presence of Satan for a long time. I focused on my healing and even started reading the Bible and when I had to move back home to my parents house, I continued with my New Age practices and invited him back in.
I got much worse when I moved back with my parents, so bad that when my mom would put a prayer on or a sermon, I would cover my ears because it was so painful to hear. I didn’t understand why, but now I do.
I really do believe I allowed spirits in, when I messed with crystals, tarots, spells etc. I do believe in the spiritual world and I allowed these dark forces in. And I do believe the Satan is preventing God’s children from entering his Kingdom.
After a terrible psychotic episode, I was 5150 and taken to a psych ward which was the scariest time of my life. I couldn’t sleep for days and kept seeing “spirits” around and had a shared psychosis with the woman I was sharing a room with. She felt the spirits talking to her, and I saw them. I remember being so scared that I asked one of the nurses for a Bible, which they handed to me, and I read it daily even though I didn’t understand. I just remember feeling God’s peace.
When I started getting better because I was taking my meds, but also God’s miracle, I was sent home. I quickly recovered and worked on Seeking God’s Kingdom. I eventually was able to go to work after a month and was turning my life around.
The more I read the Bible, the more I learned about the truth, and what I experienced was a spiritual attack from the enemy. I prayed for a community of believers who would help me to continue seeking God’s truth and in 2024 I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and was baptized one month later.
I wanted to share my story because I never thought something like this would ever happen to me. I always did “everything right” but now I understand that we all fall short at times. I pray that by sharing my testimony it will reach anyone who may be having a difficult time, whether it being a mental illness or a physical one, just know that God will deliver you. His timing is always perfect.
End Escapism, Seek His Kingdom 🖤✝️ 